The Pica Perspective

In Pursuit of Relaxation

Is that title an oxymoron?

In keeping with the theme of my last post and of the article that headlined the quarterly newsletter I e-mailed this week, I thought I'd talk more about downtime.

Did you know that relaxation is a learned skill? Some of us never acquired it, but it's certainly a great skill to help children acquire. Learning to relax, at the very least, allows children to find a quiet place inside themselves that enables them to cope -- to maintain control over their bodies and minds. Just resting is not enough; children must be able to immerse themselves in total relaxation -- or as Clare Cherry, author of Think of Something Quiet, put it: to experience serenity. The child who learns to relax will have the ability to manage stress and therefore lead a healthier -- and more serene -- life. But it will also ensure a more energetic life, as stress is most certainly an energy robber. Relaxation techniques enable children to "recharge their batteries."

Relaxation techniques even offer academic benefits. According to Al Gini, author of The Importance of Being Lazy, "Fatigue and the frenzy of overstimulation can block objectivity, delimit perspective, and often deaden our ability to calculate and evaluate logically." Research has also proven that stress has a negative, sometimes demoralizing, impact on the ability to learn and to take tests. Tension control, on the other hand, can help children learn better and more successfully manage stressful test taking. Indeed, there was a study of "brilliant American children," which found that one of the common factors in their lives was the fact that they spent a lot of unstructured time "doing nothing." That alone should be enough incentive to let children hang out and relax!

Just before bedtime is perfect for practicing relaxation techniques. Set the stage by darkening the room, speaking slowly and softly, and moving gently. If you decide to use music to promote tranquility, choose pieces with which you're already familiar -- that you've found to be peaceful and soothing. Most often that means instrumental selections (although a number of children's recordings intended for relaxation include restful lyrics). The songs should be arranged simply, with few changes in rhythm or tempo. If the music is only intended to set the mood while your child performs relaxation exercises, keep the volume much lower than if the music itself were the focus of the activity, as too much external stimulation will defeat the cause. If the music is the focus, you can sometimes encourage your child to simply lie or sit quietly with eyes closed. Other times you might suggest that your little one listen for something specific, like a certain sound, instrument, or phrase.

If you want to use imagery to promote relaxation, be sure it's imagery your young child can relate to. You might paint a picture in her mind by asking her to lie on the bed or floor and imagine, for example, that she's at the beach. Talk to her (softly) about the warmth of the sun, the cool breeze, and the gentle sounds of the waves and the gulls circling overhead. And don't be surprised is she drops off to sleep!

For other ideas, go to Moving & Learning and click on the activities link under the Resources tab on the left-hand side. And to read more about downtime, check out the featured article.

In Pursuit of Balance

I wish I had a nickel for every time the word balance has surfaced during an interview for Body, Mind and Child. It's a word that has perhaps become overused in today's society, as we adults endlessly converse about and contemplate achieving it in our lives. We strive for a balance between work and family, labor and leisure, obligation and recreation, the competition of the workplace and our need to connect with others. But while many are striving for balance, few are achieving it.

For a great many contemporary adults, balance is a word that has come to symbolize something out of reach. Something desired but elusive, as we work long hours, tend to families, and spend what little free time we have as productively as possible. What used to be considered leisure time (remember lazy Sunday afternoons?) must now be filled. It doesn't matter whether it's with "recreation," chores of one kind or another, or shuttling the children here and there, just so long as we can say we didn't waste it. "What did you do this weekend?" has become a question to be reckoned with on Monday mornings. It demands a smart answer, just as surely as did our 8th-grade algebra teacher.

If you're an adult who's been giving balance some consideration -- who's tired of the treadmill -- perhaps you find yourself looking back fondly on what now seems to be an idyllic childhood. Back to the days when time stretched endlessly before you. Back when there were few demands on that time. And, except for summers, weekends, and days when the darkness fell too early, there always seemed to be plenty of it.

How sad that today's children won't have those memories to cling to when they become harried adults. Because they're already harried! There are all kinds of demands on their time. And all they have to look forward to is more of the same.

Quiet moments of solitude? Activity initiated and directed by the child? A break from the relentless competition so prevalent in society? No chance. Children are expected to be every bit as productive and competitive as adults.

In Respectful Educators -- Capable Learners, Cathy Nutbrown wrote:

There is a sense of urgency about childhood -- of hastening progress, of accelerating development. Is this born out of wanting the best for children or from some belief or value base which says the state of childhood is worth less than the state of adulthood and so we must do all we can to reach the day when childhood is over?

Childhood is supposed to be a special time -- a time like no other in a person's life. By definition alone, childhood should naturally offer balance.

Another word heard often on BAM! interviews? Modeling. Just as we must serve as role models when it comes to good manners, physical activity, and positive nutritional habits, we must also show children that we value balance -- so they'll value it as well. And we have to show them -- beyond all doubt -- that we love and value them, not for what they do but for who they are.

If we can strike the delicate balances -- between doing and being, between competition and cooperation, between superkid and couch potato -- we'll know we've done our best to ensure healthier, happier lives for our children!

In Honor of Father's Day

Last week I was part of a media conference call in which the National PTA announced a new initiative called MORE: Men Organized to Raise Engagement. According to a poll released by the PTA, more men are getting involved in their children's education than ever before. But some of the country's top male involvement organizations are looking to continue the trend by joining with the PTA to help make it happen.

Research shows that greater involvement of men in the lives of children helps them achieve success socially, intellectually, and academically. The MORE partnership intends to ensure greater father and male involvement to produce positive outcomes and successful relationships for children, parents, schools, and communities.

MORE will call attention to the need to increase male involvement across the country by:

• Working with schools and communities to provide programs that engage fathers and positive male figures in the educational and social development of children.
• Developing male leaders who work with fathers and male role models to enhance positive male parenting and involvement with youth.
• Acting as a resource for families, communities, and schools on fatherhood initiatives and issues.
• Increasing the visibility and outreach of the quality programming of the coalition members.

The organizations working with the PTA on this initiative are:

• All Pro Dad is composed of current and former NFL players and coaches who speak out about the importance of fatherhood.
• Black Star Project sponsors father/male involvement programs including the Million Father March on the first day of school, Men in Schools Day, and the Fathers Club.
• National Fatherhood Initiative improves the well being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.
• Real Men Cook is the leading national Father's Day family celebration tradition.
• WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students) is the safe school initiative of the National Center for Fathering focusing on prevention of violence in schools by using the positive influence of fathers and father figures.

Not coincidentally, the PTA president-elect, Chuck Saylors, will be the first male president of the National PTA in its 112-year history.

To all of you fathers out there: Happy Father's Day! And may you understand that your children will be healthier and happier when you're involved in their lives and education.

Asking Children for Too Much Too Soon

Heard a story yesterday that made me want to cry or scream or otherwise emote. I was talking to the mother of 7-year-old twins, who said she's at a loss when she sees friends -- people who are both intelligent and otherwise considerate -- do things with their children that she knows to be developmentally inappropriate. She was particularly frustrated by a couple she knows -- both lawyers -- who have required their daughter to read to them daily for 45 minutes...since she was three years old!

Not surprisingly, when observing this child, now 7, in preschool and kindergarten settings, she's never once witnessed her pick up a book. Books, I'm sure, have become this little girl's enemy. And I feel confident that learning in general isn't far behind.

It seems no matter how often I hear stories similar to this -- like the one about the 9-month-old being enrolled in "preschool prep" or the one about the mom being pressured to enroll her 2-1/2-year-old daughter in the local competitive soccer program -- I never cease to be amazed. (What does "preschool prep" for a 9-month-old involve? And how can children who've barely stopped wobbling be expected to play soccer, particularly considering that foot-eye coordination isn't fully developed until 9 or 10?)

Childhood today has become a dress rehearsal for adulthood. And, for many children, life has become a great big competition. A race to walk and talk earlier than the other infants. To get into the best preschool. To be a star at Little League or the dance recital. To participate in the most activities. To excel. To win. To be the most "above-average" child in the history of children. To have a resume, upon entrance into first grade, that will guarantee a place in the best high school, the best college, and later, in the best corporation/law firm/medical practice.

But what are kids really winning when they're losing out on childhood? There are millions of adults out there who are tired of the rat race, and they didn't start racing until they were at least in their twenties. How long can today's children be expected to love life when they start racing before they're even toddling?

If you're a parent today, no doubt you've been led to believe that your child might fall hopelessly behind if you don't give him or her a "head start." But the reality is that child development is what it is, and it can't be "accelerated!" Moreover, children are born with an innate desire to learn and discover. And rather than determining destiny, abilities have a way of leveling out in children. Where reading is concerned, a child may read earlier than the neighbors' children; but the other kids will have caught up by third grade. At that point, it really won't matter who read first.

There's no research that shows children who read earlier end up reading better. Furthermore, there's evidence that hurrying children can do more harm than good. Noted educator Lilian Katz has pointed out that there are short-term advantages when 3- to 5-year-olds are given formal instruction but considerable disadvantages in the long term. According to a study by the International Association for the Evaluation of Educational Achievement, reading literacy was the highest in those countries where reading instruction began at 6.3 years of age.

So, yes, stories like that little girl's make me want to cry or scream or possibly pull my hair out. Instead, I pass along the story in this forum, hoping it can make a difference.

Do You Treat Your Son & Daughter Differently?

This week's featured interview on Body, Mind and Child is with Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting. When I talked with Dr. Cohen, I honed in on his chapter on empowering girls and connecting boys to their feelings. I'm fascinated by the topic of gender differences -- especially as it concerns perceived differences, or differences created by society!

Dr. Cohen and I talked about what he calls the "tabletop experiments," in which participants were shown a baby, with some told the baby was a girl and some told the baby was a boy. Not unexpectedly (at least from my perspective), the participants treated the baby differently, depending on which gender they believed it to be.

In another study about which I've written, parents -- especially fathers -- described girls as "softer, finer-featured, smaller, weaker, and more delicate" than boys. Other studies, in which infants were disguised in cross-gender clothing, demonstrated that parents brought trucks to the supposed boy babies and dolls to those they considered girls.

As children get older, parents tend to talk more to their daughters, encourage them to help others, and discourage autonomy. Boys, on the other hand, are encouraged to be fearless. One study, which I referenced in my interview with Dr. Cohen, used videotapes of children on a playground to prove this. The tapes showed that mothers of daughters were more likely to see danger in their activity, and they intervened more quickly and more often that did mothers of sons. Mothers of daughters also issued more statements of caution, while mothers of sons offered more words encouraging risk taking. Similarly, one researcher points out that, when a baby boy falls down, parents make light of it, encouraging the child to get up and try again. On the other hand, when a baby girl takes a tumble, we race over to pick her up and make sure she's OK.

Of course parents aren't the only ones in our society promoting gender stereotyping and inequality. Children are bombarded daily with television images marketing what they conceive to be the "norm": boys playing with cars, trucks, and action figures and girls playing with dolls. "Pink" aisles in the toy stores feature dolls, makeup, and miniature appliances, while "blue" aisles offer vehicles and war toys. "Boys'" toys tend to promote problem solving and exploration, which in turn help develop confidence and competence. "Girls'" toys, by contrast, limit exploration and discourage independence and problem solving.

One result of this media pressure is that, regardless of what they may have asked for, boys more often receive activity-oriented toys and games, while girls are given stuffed animals, toy houses, kitchen sets, and dress-up outfits. Researchers have found that no matter what toys are on the children's lists, parents and others give them gender-specific toys. Girls are then praised for playing with dolls -- and boys are ignored when displaying nurturing behavior. Girls are also more often praised for how they look, while boys are praised for what they do.

Are there differences between boys and girls? Dr. Cohen says there are but that they're not as great as we might imagine. Society, he contends, magnifies the differences that do exist and this does a great disservice to both girls and boys.

Digital Media & Kids

Obviously, as the author of a blog and the host of a podcast, I'm a fan of "new media." And every time I feel like cursing technology for one reason or another, I remind myself that if it weren't for technology, much of what I do these days wouldn't be possible. Does that mean I'm a fan of digital media for children? Not so much, no.

I won't get into a whole dialog concerning authentic learning versus that offered by computers, etc. For now I'd just like to point out that when a child sits in front of a computer or TV screen, even if in the company of others, there's little or no interaction taking place, meaning relationships are not being fostered. It also means fewer opportunities for speaking. As a result, a child may not as readily enunciate her words, formulate her thoughts, expand her vocabulary, or effectively express herself.

According to a new national poll from Common Sense Media and the Joan Ganz Cooney Center, American parents agreed by a wide margin that digital media skills are important to kids' success in the 21st century, but they also expressed skepticism about whether digital media could contribute to the development of skills such as communicating, working with others, and establishing civic responsibility.

To this I say "hallelujah." But the people who conducted the survey have a different take. They say, "The results suggest that tech-savvy school leaders might need to reach out to parents and demonstrate how their children's use of digital media in classrooms can contribute to these skills."

Sorry, but I'm not buying it. Yes, digital media has much to offer children. I'm even partnering with one site dedicated to the use of digital media. It's called Woogi World and, according to its founders, it's "a fun, engaging, and interactive virtual social network site that promotes balance and builds character. Through its academically sound and value-based games and activities, children are encouraged to get out of the virtual world and into the real world using their time, talents, and energies to connect with family, explore interests, engage in play, and serve in their communities." CEO Scott Dow adds, "We promote online learning and offline doing."

Did you read that last quote -- and the part about getting out of the virtual world and into the real world? That's what made me agree to work with them! They understand that there's only so much the virtual world can offer children -- that it takes getting out into the "real world" for them to succeed in life.

When children play together, they learn to navigate the two-way street that is communication. Through play, they also learn to cooperate, take turns, share, resolve conflict, handle their emotions, and take another's perspective. Children aren't born with these abilities, any more than they're born with the ability to multiply and divide.

It takes a great deal more than information to be successful. If personal and social awareness weren't necessary for success and happiness in life, only great test-takers would be triumphant. But the great test-takers don't usually end up as successful or as satisfied with their lives as those possessing great social and emotional skills. And no matter what the media companies think, social and emotional skills can't be acquired via digital means.

What Keeps Kids Inside

Well, I knew fear and competition from electronics were keeping kids indoors; but I never suspected flip-flops, mulch, and no coats as culprits! But that's exactly what a new study has found...

Because I want to do this study justice (it's really important that we give this issue some thought), I'm going to simply reprint the entire press release here. I'd love to get your thoughts on this!

CINCINNATI, April 30 /PRNewswire/ -- At a time when over half of US
children (aged 3-6) are in child care centers, and growing concern over
childhood obesity has led physicians to focus on whether children are
getting enough physical activity, a new study of outdoor physical activity
at child care centers, conducted by researchers at Cincinnati Children's
Hospital Medical Center, has identified some surprising reasons why the
kids may be staying inside. The study, will be presented May 5 at the
annual meeting of the Pediatric Academic Societies in Honolulu, Hawaii.

    "It's things we never expected, from flip flops, mulch near the
playground, children who come to child care without a coat on chilly days,
to teachers talking or texting on cell phones while they were supposed to
be supervising the children," according to Kristen Copeland, M.D., lead
author of the study which was funded by the National Heart, Lung and Blood
Institute. She noted that because there are so many benefits of physical
activity for children -- from prevention of obesity, to better
concentration and development of gross motor skills -- it's important to
know what barriers to physical activity may exist at child-care centers.

    "With so many American preschool-aged children in child care centers,
and previous reports that the amount of physical activity children get
varies widely across different centers, we wanted to explore what some of
the barriers to physical activity at these centers might be," said Dr.
Copeland, a physician scientist and Assistant Professor of Pediatrics in
the Division of General and Community Pediatrics at Cincinnati Children's.
According to the most recent statistics 74% of US children aged 3-6 years
are in some form of non-parental child care. 56% percent of 3-6 year old
children spend time in centers, including child care centers and
preschools. Her team began by exploring child-care center staff members'
perceptions of barriers to children's physical activity. They conducted
focus groups with 49 staff members from 34 child-care centers in the
Cincinnati area (including Montessori, Head Start and centers in the inner
city and suburban areas) as the first of several studies on this subject.

    "We found several previously unreported barriers that meant kids had to
stay inside, including inappropriate footwear such as flip flops and
inappropriate clothing for the weather," said Dr. Copeland. In some child
care centers, if one child in the group shows up without a coat on a chilly
day, she noted, that means the whole group has to stay inside. Even more
surprising to the researchers was the fact that the child-care staff
members said some parents appear to intentionally keep their children's
coats (or send children without coats) so they'd have to stay inside, which
staff attributed to parents' concerns about the child getting injured or
dirty, or a having a cold that may be exacerbated by cold weather.

    Teachers said they also felt pressure from some parents who were more
concerned with children spending time on cognitive skills, such as reading
and writing, than on the gross motor and socio-emotional skills (such as
kicking a ball or negotiating with another child for a turn on the slide)
that are best learned on the playground.

    Then there was the mulch factor. "The staff members who participated in
the groups were really concerned about mulch in the play area," said Dr.
Copeland. "Many said that the kids eat the mulch, or use it as weapons, or
it gets caught in their shoes. It also requires constant upkeep. It's
certainly not something that we had anticipated as an issue, but judging by
the amount of and intensity of the discussions among child care teachers,
it really is."

    Dr. Copeland said the child-care center staff recognized that they
themselves could sometimes serve as a barrier to children's physical
activity. "We heard reports of teachers talking or texting on cell phones
instead of interacting with the children while on the playground," said Dr.
Copeland. She continued, "We found that a staff member who doesn't like
going outside -- maybe she's not a cold-weather person, or she thinks it's
too much work to bundle up and unbundle the children on a cold day -- could
act as a gatekeeper to the playground." In some cases, staff reported that
their own issues with being overweight prevented them from encouraging
children's physical activity.

    "This initial qualitative research has identified a number of issues
that we will be exploring in subsequent studies," noted Dr.Copeland.
"Clearly this is a complex issue -- but finding out what the barriers are
is the first step in addressing the problem and getting more kids involved
in more much-needed physical activity."

    The PAS meeting, sponsored by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the
American Pediatric Society, the Society for Pediatric Research and the
Ambulatory Pediatric Association, is the largest international meeting to
focus on research in child health.

    Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, one of the leading
pediatric research institutions in the nation, is dedicated to changing the
outcome for children throughout the world. Cincinnati Children's ranks
second among all pediatric institutions in the United States in grants from
the National Institutes of Health. It has an established tradition of
research excellence, with discoveries including the Sabin oral polio
vaccine, the surfactant preparation that saves the lives of thousands of
premature infants each year, and a rotavirus vaccine that saves the lives
of hundreds of thousands of infants around the world each year. Current
strategic directions include the translation of basic laboratory research
into the development of novel therapeutics for the treatment of disease,
and furthering the development of personalized and predictive medicine.
Additional information can be found at http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org.

Overprotecting Children's Feelings

I've talked about children and self-esteem a few times in this blog, and this week's featured interview, with Dr. Stanley Greenspan, on "Body, Mind and Child", has got me thinking about the topic again.

Einstein said that a person who never made a mistake had never tried anything new. I really like that sentiment because, after all, we know how successful Einstein was. Obviously, then, the road to success involves mistakes. But many of today's parents worry that their children's self-esteem will suffer -- and perhaps their futures as well -- if they should have to endure failing, losing, or making a mistake, all of which have come to be equated with disaster. To avoid this, parents often make their children's decisions for them, complete their homework, resolve their conflicts, and let them win every board or backyard game.

While I was doing research for A Running Start, I came across Kimberly Swygert's blog, "Number 2 Pencil," and her story about the workforce experiences of two "coddled kids." First was the 24-year-old car salesman who didn't get his annual bonus because of his poor performance. Both of his parents arrived at the company's regional headquarters and sat outside the CEO's office, refusing to leave until the CEO met with them! Then there was the 22-year-old pharmaceutical employee who didn't get the promotion he wanted because, according to his boss, he needed to first work on his weaknesses. Because he was a Harvard graduate who had excelled at everything he'd ever done, he was devastated. His parents, however, were sure they could find a way to fix it,  as they had fixed everything for him in the past. His mother called the Human Resources Department the next day 17 times, demanding a mediation session with her, her son, his boss, and a representative from Human resources.

Yes, these are extreme examples. But they're becoming increasingly common.

At an annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan reported on his study of hundreds of infants whom he had followed for five years at that point. His conclusion was that parents' overprotectiveness creates anxious children. In contrast, he said, the children of parents who had imposed limits on their behavior didn't show fearfulness. At the same meeting, psychiatrist Michael Liebowitz stated that "overprotectiveness brings out the worst in kids." Liebowitz is head of Columbia University's unit on panic disorders and said that he finds that "an unusually high proportion of panic patients report having had overprotective parenting in childhood."

At the other end of the spectrum we have children who are allowed to work out conflicts on their own and to fend for themselves. They learn independence and resilience. When trusted to take responsibility -- even if that means some failure and mistakes -- kids gain the courage to make decisions and the gumption to get back up again when life knocks them down.

It's not difficult to ensure these kinds of experiences for kids. When they play on their own, they learn to solve their own problems, negotiate, resolve conflicts, and figure things out. They experiment, take calculated risks, and test themselves. They are free to discover their weaknesses, as well as their strengths, and to determine what matters enough to continue working at.

Play is the only arena in which a young child gets to be in control -- in charge! But it has to be child-directed, not adult-directed, play. That means the child freely chooses the activity and how it's to be done. There are no rules other than those she may choose to make up. And if something goes wrong (the square peg doesn't fit in the round hole, for example), let her attempt to figure it out for herself. If she turns to you for assistance, you can help her understand why, but wait for her to try before telling her it won't work and that she has to put a round peg in a round hole.

Naturally, I'm not a proponent of continual failure. As with most other aspects of life, there's a balance to be achieved! It's hard to watch your child do something incorrectly and resist the urge to fix it. No one wants to see their child struggle, even momentarily! But if you refrain from "fixing" everything for him, whether it's as small an issue as telling him where to put the pegs or as large an issue as doing his homework for him, he'll learn to be self-directed. Moreover, he'll be willing to try and try again. He'll become resilient, and that will serve him well.

Celebrate Earth Day!

It probably won't surprise you to learn that, according to reports, fewer than 10% of U.S. children currently learn about nature from being outside. Instead, one-third of them learn about it at school, and more than one-half of them learn about it via such electronic devices as computers and television!

Surely you don't need me to convince you that books and electronics offer no substitute for the real thing. Being outdoors is an experiences of the senses (which is how much of young children's learning takes place). Outside there are myriad amazing things to see: creatures in the clouds, hummingbirds hovering, and four-leaf clovers. To hear: birdsong, leaves rustling in the breeze, brooks babbling. To smell: lilacs, the rain-soaked ground, and Concord grapes (a favorite scent from my childhood; every time I smell it I'm transported back in time). To touch: the velvety softness of a petal, the fuzziness of a pussy willow, a fallen feather, the bark of a tree, or mud puddles. There are even things to taste, like a freshly picked blueberry or, in the winter, freshly fallen snow.

Do you remember how even the simplest foods taste better outside? Somehow, a peanut butter sandwich is just a sandwich when it's eaten in the kitchen. But make it part of a picnic, and suddenly it's special!

If T-ball and soccer are among your child's activities, you may believe she is indeed spending plenty of time outdoors. And while it's true she may be getting fresh air and sunshine (both important!), such organized activities don't allow for the appreciation of nature that outdoor experiences are meant to provide. When free to explore the outdoors on her own, she can lie on her back and absorb the feel of the grass against her skin, or track a caterpillar's progress. Heaven forbid she be doing either of those things during an organized game!

How about taking a "senses walk" on this Earth Day? Whether you walk around the backyard or around the block, you and your child can discover how many things you can hear, smell, or touch. How many red things can you see? How many natural things? An activity like this serves so many purposes! It stimulates the senses, provides physical activity, heightens awareness of the surrounding beauty, offers science lessons, and fosters a love of nature. Choose one sense to focus on today and then tomorrow, when it's no longer Earth Day, go outside and choose another to explore!

Time Just to Be

The stories I hear from parents never cease to amaze me. Like the one from the mom who was feeling pressured to enroll her two-and-a-half-year-old in the local soccer program -- the local, competitive soccer program!

"Our town," she said, "is very much into pushing children to compete and succeed. And I know other parents are looking at me as though I'm failing my child, but I'm not going to give in to the pressure. I'm not enrolling her in all these programs at age two."

Good for her! Whether it's a fear that their children won't get into the college of their choice, fear that they'll never find their passions, or fear that a child who isn't constantly engaged in organized activities will become lazy and unmotivated -- too many of today's parents are responsible for their children being overscheduled, with no time just to be.

What happens when a child's time is scheduled and programmed -- directed by someone else -- from morning 'til night, day after day? As one mother wrote to me: "If the parents work a full day and the children are in a traditional school, the child goes to care before school at around 7:30 AM, then goes to school, then goes to after-school care until around 5:30 PM. Then they have two hours of homework. If you add in one sport per season, they have two hours of practice/games once or twice a week. So the child's 'workday' is more than twelve hours!"

In addition to the stress is causes, an overscheduled, overprogrammed life at an early age assures that the child will never be able to entertain herself. Will never be able to live inside her own head. To deal with solitude or quiet time. She may not get much of it as an adult, but for her sake I hope there will be some. And when there is, it would be awfully sad if she felt panicked at the idea of having to keep herself amused. If she felt she absolutely had to be in the company of others.

If parents want their children to grow up to be resourceful, they have to make sure their kids start practicing now. That means they have to ensure their children have plenty of unstructured time -- preferably in big, uninterrupted chunks.

Rebecca Isbell, early childhood educator and author, says that the chunks of time children need for uninterrupted play will vary according to their level of development. Toddlers, she maintains, require a minimum of 30 minutes to remain in play activities that interest them. Preschoolers need 45 to 60 minutes. And early elementary children who are focused on their play may need an hour or more to bring their work to a conclusion.

Here are some questions excerpted from my book, A Running Start:

• If children begin living like adults in childhood, what will they have to look forward to?
• What's to ensure they won't be burned out from all the pushing and pressure before they've even reached puberty?
• If we've caused them to miss the magic of childhood, what will kids later draw upon to cope with the trials and tribulations of adulthood?
• What will become of the childlike nature adults call on when they need reminding of the delight found in simple things -- when they need to bring out the playfulness that makes life worth living?
• What joy will our children find as adults if striving to "succeed" becomes life's sole purpose?