Asking Children for Too Much Too Soon
Heard a story yesterday that made me want to cry or scream or otherwise emote. I was talking to the mother of 7-year-old twins, who said she's at a loss when she sees friends -- people who are both intelligent and otherwise considerate -- do things with their children that she knows to be developmentally inappropriate. She was particularly frustrated by a couple she knows -- both lawyers -- who have required their daughter to read to them daily for 45 minutes...since she was three years old!
Not surprisingly, when observing this child, now 7, in preschool and kindergarten settings, she's never once witnessed her pick up a book. Books, I'm sure, have become this little girl's enemy. And I feel confident that learning in general isn't far behind.
It seems no matter how often I hear stories similar to this -- like the one about the 9-month-old being enrolled in "preschool prep" or the one about the mom being pressured to enroll her 2-1/2-year-old daughter in the local competitive soccer program -- I never cease to be amazed. (What does "preschool prep" for a 9-month-old involve? And how can children who've barely stopped wobbling be expected to play soccer, particularly considering that foot-eye coordination isn't fully developed until 9 or 10?)
Childhood today has become a dress rehearsal for adulthood. And, for many children, life has become a great big competition. A race to walk and talk earlier than the other infants. To get into the best preschool. To be a star at Little League or the dance recital. To participate in the most activities. To excel. To win. To be the most "above-average" child in the history of children. To have a resume, upon entrance into first grade, that will guarantee a place in the best high school, the best college, and later, in the best corporation/law firm/medical practice.
But what are kids really winning when they're losing out on childhood? There are millions of adults out there who are tired of the rat race, and they didn't start racing until they were at least in their twenties. How long can today's children be expected to love life when they start racing before they're even toddling?
If you're a parent today, no doubt you've been led to believe that your child might fall hopelessly behind if you don't give him or her a "head start." But the reality is that child development is what it is, and it can't be "accelerated!" Moreover, children are born with an innate desire to learn and discover. And rather than determining destiny, abilities have a way of leveling out in children. Where reading is concerned, a child may read earlier than the neighbors' children; but the other kids will have caught up by third grade. At that point, it really won't matter who read first.
There's no research that shows children who read earlier end up reading better. Furthermore, there's evidence that hurrying children can do more harm than good. Noted educator Lilian Katz has pointed out that there are short-term advantages when 3- to 5-year-olds are given formal instruction but considerable disadvantages in the long term. According to a study by the International Association for the Evaluation of Educational Achievement, reading literacy was the highest in those countries where reading instruction began at 6.3 years of age.
So, yes, stories like that little girl's make me want to cry or scream or possibly pull my hair out. Instead, I pass along the story in this forum, hoping it can make a difference.





