The Pica Perspective

Overprotecting Children's Feelings

I've talked about children and self-esteem a few times in this blog, and this week's featured interview, with Dr. Stanley Greenspan, on "Body, Mind and Child", has got me thinking about the topic again.

Einstein said that a person who never made a mistake had never tried anything new. I really like that sentiment because, after all, we know how successful Einstein was. Obviously, then, the road to success involves mistakes. But many of today's parents worry that their children's self-esteem will suffer -- and perhaps their futures as well -- if they should have to endure failing, losing, or making a mistake, all of which have come to be equated with disaster. To avoid this, parents often make their children's decisions for them, complete their homework, resolve their conflicts, and let them win every board or backyard game.

While I was doing research for A Running Start, I came across Kimberly Swygert's blog, "Number 2 Pencil," and her story about the workforce experiences of two "coddled kids." First was the 24-year-old car salesman who didn't get his annual bonus because of his poor performance. Both of his parents arrived at the company's regional headquarters and sat outside the CEO's office, refusing to leave until the CEO met with them! Then there was the 22-year-old pharmaceutical employee who didn't get the promotion he wanted because, according to his boss, he needed to first work on his weaknesses. Because he was a Harvard graduate who had excelled at everything he'd ever done, he was devastated. His parents, however, were sure they could find a way to fix it,  as they had fixed everything for him in the past. His mother called the Human Resources Department the next day 17 times, demanding a mediation session with her, her son, his boss, and a representative from Human resources.

Yes, these are extreme examples. But they're becoming increasingly common.

At an annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan reported on his study of hundreds of infants whom he had followed for five years at that point. His conclusion was that parents' overprotectiveness creates anxious children. In contrast, he said, the children of parents who had imposed limits on their behavior didn't show fearfulness. At the same meeting, psychiatrist Michael Liebowitz stated that "overprotectiveness brings out the worst in kids." Liebowitz is head of Columbia University's unit on panic disorders and said that he finds that "an unusually high proportion of panic patients report having had overprotective parenting in childhood."

At the other end of the spectrum we have children who are allowed to work out conflicts on their own and to fend for themselves. They learn independence and resilience. When trusted to take responsibility -- even if that means some failure and mistakes -- kids gain the courage to make decisions and the gumption to get back up again when life knocks them down.

It's not difficult to ensure these kinds of experiences for kids. When they play on their own, they learn to solve their own problems, negotiate, resolve conflicts, and figure things out. They experiment, take calculated risks, and test themselves. They are free to discover their weaknesses, as well as their strengths, and to determine what matters enough to continue working at.

Play is the only arena in which a young child gets to be in control -- in charge! But it has to be child-directed, not adult-directed, play. That means the child freely chooses the activity and how it's to be done. There are no rules other than those she may choose to make up. And if something goes wrong (the square peg doesn't fit in the round hole, for example), let her attempt to figure it out for herself. If she turns to you for assistance, you can help her understand why, but wait for her to try before telling her it won't work and that she has to put a round peg in a round hole.

Naturally, I'm not a proponent of continual failure. As with most other aspects of life, there's a balance to be achieved! It's hard to watch your child do something incorrectly and resist the urge to fix it. No one wants to see their child struggle, even momentarily! But if you refrain from "fixing" everything for him, whether it's as small an issue as telling him where to put the pegs or as large an issue as doing his homework for him, he'll learn to be self-directed. Moreover, he'll be willing to try and try again. He'll become resilient, and that will serve him well.

Strength Training for the Little Ones

I briefly addressed strength training for children in my very first post on this blog, but a recent article in the Tampa Tribune got me thinking about it again.

Muscular strength and muscular endurance are two of the five health-related fitness factors we want to work to promote in young children. Muscular strength is fairly self-explanatory but is described as the ability  to exert force with a single maximum effort. Strong muscles are necessary not only for performing certain tasks, like throwing for distance, hanging and swinging, climbing, and carrying heavy books and groceries, but also for preventing injury and maintaining proper posture. An added bonus is that increasing muscle strength also increases strength in tendons, ligaments, and bones.

Strength training -- also known as resistance or weight training -- is the best way to build muscular strength. But we have to view things differently than if we were discussing strength training for adults! While there's a lot of debate over the appropriateness of involving young children in strength training, there are some points on which the experts agree.

First, it's never a good idea to modify an adult strength-training program for children. Adults' bodies are fully developed; children's are not. Adults have long attention spans and the motivation to endure the monotony of repetitive exercises; children do not. For these reasons the best "strength training" for children involves the use of their own weight in physical activities they'd be performing anyway, like jumping, playing tug-of-war, and pumping higher and higher on a swing.

The experts also agree that children under the age of 8 shouldn't be using weights or machines -- child-sized or not. The general rule of thumb is that only children mature enough to follow specific instructions and understand the risks and benefits of such training should be handling strength-training equipment. It's recommended that children wait until they're 10 or 12 to use apparatus, as before puberty children may not have the judgment necessary to use it safely.

There's a good deal of interest in children's fitness right now and plenty of programs cropping up to take advantage of that interest. These programs will heartily endorse the benefits of strength training, convincing parents that it will prevent their children from injury and improve their sports skills. And, yes, if children are participating in organized sports without the requisite strength, strength-related activities may help prevent sports-related injuries. But strength training, handled improperly, can do more harm than good, particularly in children under 6, who are most prone to injury. And the truth is, the best way for children to improve their sports skills is to learn and practice their specific sports skills.

If you're considering the pros and cons of strength training, here are some things you should know:

• Children should always begin by using the resistance of their own body weight. In addition to the examples cited earlier, this could include such formal exercises as heel raises, curl-ups, leg lifts, and wall push-ups. (But you'll have to make them fun and exciting for children...because these can be boring!)
• If your older (6- to 8-year-old) child is going to participate in some sort of formal regimen, that regimen should include a warm-up (for example, jogging lightly in place to circulate blood throughout the body) and a cooldown (gentle stretches held for 10 to 12 seconds). Stretching shouldn't be used as a warm-up because "cold" muscles shouldn't be stretched.
• Once children do begin to use apparatus, they should do so without any added weight or resistance. When a child can perform 8 to 15 repetitions of an exercise, weight can be added in small increments. Children should never lift the maximal weight!
• A knowledgeable adult should constantly monitor children participating in strength-training programs.
• Children benefit more from additional repetitions of moderate weight than from fewer repetitions of heavy weights.
• Strength training may further elevate the blood pressure in children with hypertension.
• The National Strength and Conditioning Association cites improper training techniques, lifting heavy or maximal weights, improper equipment, and lack of qualified adult supervision as the most common reason for injuries.

The American Academy of Pediatrics states that gains in strength, muscle size, and power are lost after only six weeks once strength training is stopped. So, if your child is to improve muscular strength, "strength training" must be continuous. And, honestly, the only way that's going to happen for young children is if it's part of what they naturally do -- and it's fun.

Celebrate Earth Day!

It probably won't surprise you to learn that, according to reports, fewer than 10% of U.S. children currently learn about nature from being outside. Instead, one-third of them learn about it at school, and more than one-half of them learn about it via such electronic devices as computers and television!

Surely you don't need me to convince you that books and electronics offer no substitute for the real thing. Being outdoors is an experiences of the senses (which is how much of young children's learning takes place). Outside there are myriad amazing things to see: creatures in the clouds, hummingbirds hovering, and four-leaf clovers. To hear: birdsong, leaves rustling in the breeze, brooks babbling. To smell: lilacs, the rain-soaked ground, and Concord grapes (a favorite scent from my childhood; every time I smell it I'm transported back in time). To touch: the velvety softness of a petal, the fuzziness of a pussy willow, a fallen feather, the bark of a tree, or mud puddles. There are even things to taste, like a freshly picked blueberry or, in the winter, freshly fallen snow.

Do you remember how even the simplest foods taste better outside? Somehow, a peanut butter sandwich is just a sandwich when it's eaten in the kitchen. But make it part of a picnic, and suddenly it's special!

If T-ball and soccer are among your child's activities, you may believe she is indeed spending plenty of time outdoors. And while it's true she may be getting fresh air and sunshine (both important!), such organized activities don't allow for the appreciation of nature that outdoor experiences are meant to provide. When free to explore the outdoors on her own, she can lie on her back and absorb the feel of the grass against her skin, or track a caterpillar's progress. Heaven forbid she be doing either of those things during an organized game!

How about taking a "senses walk" on this Earth Day? Whether you walk around the backyard or around the block, you and your child can discover how many things you can hear, smell, or touch. How many red things can you see? How many natural things? An activity like this serves so many purposes! It stimulates the senses, provides physical activity, heightens awareness of the surrounding beauty, offers science lessons, and fosters a love of nature. Choose one sense to focus on today and then tomorrow, when it's no longer Earth Day, go outside and choose another to explore!

Electronic Exercise?

Turns out this past Wednesday was National Start! Walking Day. Who even knew there was such an event? But I'm glad for anything that calls attention to this very basic -- and wonderful -- form of exercise.

Interestingly enough, this past week two pieces about electronic games that promote physical activity also arrived in my inbox. One told the story of a physical education teacher who uses "Dance, Dance Revolution" and Sony's "Eye Toy" (the latter of which I'm not familiar with) as part of the stations in her gym. She's having such success with them that one student wrote, "It was so fun I did not even know I was working out!"

The other was a blog by a mom who's wondering if video games may be the solution to childhood obesity. She writes:

I must confess I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it might be effective for getting otherwise sedentary youngsters in the habit of exercising. On the other, it seems sad that society has been reduced to using bribery, trickery and high-tech toys to get kids to engage in activities that have long been considered part of a healthy childhood.

I agree! As I wrote in the comment I posted at her blog:

Two thoughts come to mind. First, I can only hope that these video games create a lifelong love of physical activity in general. Second, I’d like to think the children are only using them when the weather is absolutely, positively too terrible for them to go outdoors — where they belong!

Video games are certainly creating an enjoyment of physical activity in the above-mentioned PE class. That's obviously a good thing. But should we be depending on them in our homes? Aren't children better served by playing the old-fashioned way?

There are so many questions parents need to answer today that never had to be posed with children of earlier generations. So many challenges that are unique to our times. I can't help but wish that kids would get their exercise by going outside and running and jumping around. I can't help but wish that families would take a daily (or almost-daily) walk together -- for the sake of both their health and their happiness. (Walking is a truly satisfying activity.) I can't help but wish that we could save the "trickery and high-tech toys" for adults who need some additional motivation to move. Children, after all, are supposed to just want to move!

Time Just to Be

The stories I hear from parents never cease to amaze me. Like the one from the mom who was feeling pressured to enroll her two-and-a-half-year-old in the local soccer program -- the local, competitive soccer program!

"Our town," she said, "is very much into pushing children to compete and succeed. And I know other parents are looking at me as though I'm failing my child, but I'm not going to give in to the pressure. I'm not enrolling her in all these programs at age two."

Good for her! Whether it's a fear that their children won't get into the college of their choice, fear that they'll never find their passions, or fear that a child who isn't constantly engaged in organized activities will become lazy and unmotivated -- too many of today's parents are responsible for their children being overscheduled, with no time just to be.

What happens when a child's time is scheduled and programmed -- directed by someone else -- from morning 'til night, day after day? As one mother wrote to me: "If the parents work a full day and the children are in a traditional school, the child goes to care before school at around 7:30 AM, then goes to school, then goes to after-school care until around 5:30 PM. Then they have two hours of homework. If you add in one sport per season, they have two hours of practice/games once or twice a week. So the child's 'workday' is more than twelve hours!"

In addition to the stress is causes, an overscheduled, overprogrammed life at an early age assures that the child will never be able to entertain herself. Will never be able to live inside her own head. To deal with solitude or quiet time. She may not get much of it as an adult, but for her sake I hope there will be some. And when there is, it would be awfully sad if she felt panicked at the idea of having to keep herself amused. If she felt she absolutely had to be in the company of others.

If parents want their children to grow up to be resourceful, they have to make sure their kids start practicing now. That means they have to ensure their children have plenty of unstructured time -- preferably in big, uninterrupted chunks.

Rebecca Isbell, early childhood educator and author, says that the chunks of time children need for uninterrupted play will vary according to their level of development. Toddlers, she maintains, require a minimum of 30 minutes to remain in play activities that interest them. Preschoolers need 45 to 60 minutes. And early elementary children who are focused on their play may need an hour or more to bring their work to a conclusion.

Here are some questions excerpted from my book, A Running Start:

• If children begin living like adults in childhood, what will they have to look forward to?
• What's to ensure they won't be burned out from all the pushing and pressure before they've even reached puberty?
• If we've caused them to miss the magic of childhood, what will kids later draw upon to cope with the trials and tribulations of adulthood?
• What will become of the childlike nature adults call on when they need reminding of the delight found in simple things -- when they need to bring out the playfulness that makes life worth living?
• What joy will our children find as adults if striving to "succeed" becomes life's sole purpose?

A Potpourri

• According to a new Harvard Medical School study, infants who sleep fewer than 12 hours a day are at greater risk of becoming overweight in preschool. The researchers found that 586 of the 915 babies involved slept an average of 12 hours or more a day, and 329 of the babies slept less than that. Among the babies who slept longer, seven percent were obese at age 3. The short   sleepers fared worse. Twelve percent of them became obese 3-year-olds. Adding TV to the picture, 17 percent of those who slept less than 12   hours a day and watched two or more hours of television a day were   obese by the time they were 3. Researchers suggested that hormones may be the issue. In previous studies, sleep-deprived adults produced more   ghrelin, a hormone that promotes hunger, and less leptin, a hormone   that signals fullness. For more information, go to the Time article on the study.



• Next week, April 13-19, is Week of the Young Child. This year's theme is "Bring Communities Together for Children/Children Bring Communities Together."  According to the website of the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC): 
  

  The purpose of the Week of the Young Child is to focus public attention on the needs of young children and their families and to recognize the early childhood programs and services that meet those needs.

  NAEYC first established the Week of the Young Child in 1971, recognizing that the early childhood years (birth through age 8) lay the foundation for children's success in school and later life. The Week of the Young Child is a time to plan how we--as citizens of a community, of a state, and of a nation--will better meet the needs of all young children and their families.
  
  For activity ideas and resources, including an event planning booklet, click on the link above.
  

• This week's featured interview on Body, Mind and Child is with Nancy Carlsson-Paige on protecting children from media violence. Nancy is the author of the new parenting book, Taking Back Childhood, which I've blogged about before. She's been a "student" of media violence for many of the 30 years she's been involved in early childhood education and has been a fierce advocate for the protection of children. Here's an excerpt from her book.
  
  Violent media are particularly detrimental for young children because during the early years, as child development theory explains, children don't clearly distinguish between fantasy and reality. They cannot be sure what they see on the screen won't really happen to them -- that the monster or the bad guy leering at them won't come right off that screen, if now now, then maybe later. According to the American Medical Association's Physician's Guide to Media Violence, published in 1996, media violence causes seriously increased levels of fearfulness and mistrust in children. A random national survey conducted in 1999 reported that 65% of parents with children between the ages of two and seventeen said that their child had been frightened by something they saw in a TV program or movie, and this fear, according to other studies, can last for days, months, or even years.
  
  Nancy spoke passionately on the topic. To listen to her interview, click here.

Inactivity & Heart Disease

Here are the findings of a frightening new study published in Dynamic Medicine: the risk of developing  heart diseases during the teenage years increases about 600% if the individual has history of inactivity during childhood!

The study followed approximately 400 children (ages 7 to 10) for 7 years in North Carolina. Different factors were evaluated in those children. Among them: height, body mass, percentage body fat, blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Also, their activity level was evaluated by means of surveys, interviews, and a fitness test.

Almost 7 years later, the same kids were evaluated again. The results? Children with low levels of exercise (less than 20 minutes a day of intense physical activity) were 500-600% more prone to have developed three or more of the characteristics of what is known as metabolic syndrome (MS).

Metabolic syndrome is a medical disorder or a group of medical disorders of unknown causes associated with an increased the risk of cardiovascular disease  and diabetes. High blood pressure, visceral adiposity (central obesity), low HDL cholesterol, and low high triglycerides in blood are the main signs of metabolic syndrome, although a complete diagnosis is difficult to do since it is a syndrome and not a well-characterized disease. The study found that at least three of these  characteristics of MS were observed in teenagers who had a very low physical activity during childhood.

Dr. Robert McMurray, lead investigator and professor of sports science at the University of North Carolina department of exercise and sports science, said (according to the study) that this is the first time a research study has tracked a group of children over time to investigate if childhood activity levels had something to do with the risk of developing heart disease during the teen years.

Is Your Child Developing on Schedule?

Parents have long been concerned with when their children take their first steps and utter their first words. But in today's competitive society, the rush to see these developmental milestones has taken on a whole new dimension. The pressure a parent can feel when she has to say "Not yet" in response to someone asking, "Is your child walking/talking yet?" can be positively overwhelming. After all, what if it means there's something wrong with your child?

In the past I've commented that all parents-to-be should have to take a child development course. I've said that I didn't care if a woman was panting and pushing; she couldn't have the baby until she understood child development!

To a certain extent, I was joking. But the truth is, if parents really did understand how children develop -- physically, cognitively, socially, and emotionally -- they'd have a lot less to worry about. (Isn't there already enough to worry about with kids?) Nor would they have unrealistic expectations of their children.

One of the most fundamental truths of child development is that all children develop in their own time and at their own rate. They do, in fact, progress through the same steps in the same order; but they don't do it at the same time! So the range for what's "normal" is considerably greater than what appears on most developmental charts in pediatricians' offices.

The ability to read is another one of those milestones that make parents anxious. According to Marcy Guddemi, President & CEO of the Gesell Institute of Human Development, the average age for reading is 6.5 years old. Fifty percent of the children do it before that age, and 50 percent do it after that age. What's most important for parents to understand is that, by the end of third grade, reading ability has evened out. In other words, it's impossible to tell (i.e., it doesn't matter) whether or not a child started reading early.

My interview with Marcy is featured this week on Body, Mind and Child. If you have any concerns about how your child is developing -- perhaps even in comparison with a sibling -- I think you'll find it comforting.

More about TV in Children's Bedrooms & Health

On March 4th, I blogged about a study showing that TV and children's bedrooms don't mix. Today I found some additional information on the topic at the blog of the Pediatric Health Associates.

Here's some of what was reported:

Weight:

• One study showed preschool children with a television in their bedroom were more likely to be overweight.

• Another study decreased the amount of the time spent by children watching television and found that their BMI (body mass index) also decreased. Interestingly, they found the children snacked less, with a decrease in more than 100 calories per day.

• Other researchers also found that children are more likely to snack while watching television, as well as have a decrease in physical activity.

• Along with this, television advertising promotes unhealthy eating habits to children; an average child sees 20,000 television ads per year, with 2/3 of them for food, usually junk food.

• Even adults' health is impacted by the amount of television they watched as children. Researchers found that 17% of those with increased weight, 15% of those with an elevated cholesterol level, 17% of smokers and 15% of those with poor fitness can be attributed to watching television for more than 2 hours per day during childhood and adolescence .

Smoking:

• Adolescents aged 12-14 years old were two times more likely to start cigarette smoking (42% vs 16%) if they had a television in their bedroom.
  
• It was also found that children and adolescents who watched more television began smoking at an earlier age.

Sleep:

• A Pediatrics study showed that kindergarteners with a television in their bedroom not only had more sleep problems, but also found they were less "emotionally responsive," meaning they were not as bothered by a change in their routine. The researchers concluded that the television in the bedroom dampened the intensity with which children responded to stimulation.

Seems as though the news about television just gets worse and worse. Did I ever tell you about my friend Ola, whose mother took the TV out of the house every summer? Ola's convinced it's a big part of the reason why she and her young family are more physically active than others she knows.

Of course, you don't have to go to such extremes -- unless you'd like to. There's actually some wonderful children's programming available, a bit of which I've consulted on. The solution here instead appears to be rather simple: No TV in the children's bedrooms. And when it comes to TV viewing, it's a matter of moderation and supervision.